How many of you can relate?

This video is a bit long but it’s worth the time if you have it. It moved me to tears because I can relate.

What moved you the most?

There is hope.

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PTSD Awareness

I’m so saddened to read just a few minutes ago that an RCMP officer has taken his life due to PTSD. Sadly he’s not the first and won’t be the last.  He spent years of his life being a first responder, as a result he’d witnessed some horrific scenes.  The last being a beheading a few years ago.  It seems these hero’s are afraid to admit when they need help for two reasons.

One, it makes them feel like they’re weak.

Two, They get harassed by their co-workers for being as such.

Really??!!

How sad is this?! I’m almost speechless. When is this world going to understand that PTSD is no laughing matter. It’s very serious and life threatening. The longer it goes untreated the worse it will get. It doesn’t get better over time.

It just seems this world is so primitive when it comes to mental health and the importance of it. People would rather judge or make fun of someone struggling rather than stand alongside them whilst they suffer.

Most of you will know that I’ve lived with C-PTSD for as long as I can remember so this hits close to home for me. It is debilitating but with treatment, it can at least improve. The sooner one gets treatment, the better.

Our government needs to step up and start taking this seriously. They need to take care of our soldiers and our first responders. They need to learn about PTSD and what it can do to the one’s suffering from it.Government please start supporting your people!  This is no laughing matter. While PTSD does seriously affect soldiers, they are not the only ones that deal with it.

It’s anyone who has had a traumatic experience or witnessed one, that can develop it. 

Below are some (Not all) of the symptoms of PTSD. You don’t have to have all of them to have it. Everyone is different.

  • Nightmares
  • Flashbacks
  • Insomnia
  • Depression
  • Panic/anxiety when event is brought up
  • Reliving the trauma
  • Feeling numb
  • Mood swings
  • Startling easily (Hypervigilance)
  • Anger
  • Phobias
  • Guilt/Shame

There are many more.

I’ve left the link to the story below if you’d like to check it out.

http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/mountie-who-witnessed-bus-beheading-dies-by-suicide-1.1918550?fb_action_ids=10152576960557590&fb_action_types=og.recommends

There is hope!

 

 

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A break…

I’ve decided that I need a break from blogging. Does anyone else ever feel that way? So for the summer I’m going to take that break.

It doesn’t mean I’m not going to blog at all. It does mean that I’ll be blogging and responding much less. I went into this whole blogging adventure with the mindset that I’m blogging for me. I’m not blogging to please anyone else, I’m not blogging for stats/numbers or for popularity. This was to be a place simply to get stuff out, think out loud, and keep my mind sharp. If people followed, that was a gift and treasured extra bonus.

That mindset has served me well, and I’ve been very blessed to meet and get to know so many wonderful people. I treasure the friendships I’ve made, and I hope to continue them. You all know who you are.

However some may have been able to tell that my heart is not in this as much as it once was. As with the real world it has come with a fair share of heartache/drama. Some of which I’ve not completely recovered from.

When I blog, I want to blog with my whole heart in it. I know how it affects you all and myself when I’m not. Maybe stepping back will refresh me and bring back the passion or new passions,I don’t know but I hope so.

So what I’m doing, is going back to my mindset of blogging for me. If the mood strikes and I feel I want to blog I will, if not, I’m letting myself off the hook. I hope that this doesn’t offend anyone, but like we all say so often to each other, we have to take care of ourselves right?! If it does bother you feel free to contact me. My email is on my “About” page. I’m happy to stay in touch.

If and when I come back on a more regular basis after the summer, I may also be changing the theme of my blog. I’m still working through that in my mind, so I don’t want to say yet what direction I’m going but, I’ll let you know when I’ve figured it out.

So have a great summer everyone. I will miss you but I’ll be around some and I’m on Facebook too hint hint.

If anyone would like to guest post on my blog please let me know. I would love to feature some of you!

Remember…

There IS hope!

 

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Update and massive fire…

Okay so yesterday Hubby took me to the dentist office. It actually went pretty well. They treated me better than I expected. They didn’t charge me at all for the appointment, x-rays or scan that they did of my whole mouth. The verdict is that the only way this issue is going to be resolved is to get a crown done. :(  I got a price estimate from them and it was less by half than what I was last quoted. Hmm…

Anyway, I’m still going to go to the new dentist and get an unbiased second opinion, with my brand new x-rays in tow. That will save me the cost of having to get them done again. After I hear what they have to say, I’ll make a choice on what I’m going to do and where. I’m so thankful that Hubby was willing to take me yesterday.

Now in other news… 

Our neighbourhood had quite the scary/exciting Sunday evening around here. A house about a block away from us went up in flames. My Hubby is a volunteer Firefighter. So he was on the scene. Given the fire was only a block away, I grabbed my camera and walked over with a neighbour to check things out. I was very surprised to discover that we could get so close to the fire. It sure brings a neighbourhood out of hiding! In fact I was directly across the street. While I was walking over, I heard three explosions and my heart was pounding. I needed to see that my Hubby and all were okay.

Thankfully there was no wind that night like there usually is, and it was raining.  The house, the garage, and a vintage Mustang where completely demolished. The house next door had damage to the roof and attic. The Firefighters managed to stop the second house from going up in flames. Thanks to all our volunteers who risked their lives to save others.  Speaking of others’ no one was hurt.

I was able to get a lot of pictures and some video footage. I would love to show you some pics of my Hubby and hero but, he would rather not be shown. So here are some other shots of what I saw. I want to go back to the scene and take pics of what things look like now. It’s chilling.

Massive House fire

“Black Smoke”

Above is the first shot I took. This was from my driveway.

Massive Fire

“Between the Houses”

Here (Above) you can see between the houses how much black smoke there was. This was also taken from my driveway.

Massive House Fire

“Fire getting worse”

Things progressed really fast as you can see above. I still wasn’t on scene here yet.

House Fire

“Seeing Fire”

It was surreal watching this. Above I’m on my way to the scene still.

Massive House Fire

“Up in Flames”

This sent cold chills down my spine. I was hearing explosions at this point. I couldn’t get there fast enough. I needed to see that Hubby was okay.

Massive House Fire

“Manning the Hose”

A couple of our hero’s above, right in there. Wait until you see the next couple of pics.

Massive House Fire

“Fighting through the Smoke”

Look at all that smoke, but it got worse…

Massive house fire

“Engulfed in Smoke”

You can hardly see them now. And then…

Fire

“Our hero’s. Fire almost out”

The fire here is almost under control!  Thank you for your hard work and bravery.

Hubby told me that they went into the house and pulled out pictures, and memories for the family where they could. Talk about going above and beyond.

There is hope!

 

 

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Fight with the Dentist…

You all know how afraid I am of docs and dentists right?!  If not the word terrified doesn’t come close. Late this afternoon, I had a huge fight with the secretary at my soon to be former dentists office.

They did a root canal a year ago. I’ve had nothing but pain, inflammation and most likely infection since. I’ve not been able to chew on that side at all. I went back to this dentist three times with this issue. They never did a thing to fix it.

Today I made an apt. with a new dentist, but I decided to call the old one and let them know what I’m dealing with. Hence the fight with the secretary. Holy cow did she judge me, blame me, and tell me that I was being unreasonable. She told me that I should have called sooner if I had an issue. I responded with that fact that I had been back three times with said issue. Not only that, but would she go back to a place who caused her pain and never fixed it??

I never wanted to talk to the secretary in the first place, I had asked to talk to the dentist himself and I told her so. Those that know me know, I don’t fight like this. I was told over and over that he was busy with patients to which I responded with, I know have him call me when he’s not.

Well after the fight with the secretary suddenly the dentist was freed up and gave me a call. Longer story short. He’s talked me into going to see him tonight again. He doesn’t want me to see another dentist until he’s had one more look. Quite frankly I think that he will just rub it in my face that I’m wrong and he’s right.

I’m beyond triggered and I’m petrified. Now, not only do I have to go to the dentist but one which I’ve fought with. Both he and his staff. Talk about uncomfortable to say the least.

There’s not enough time to fill you in on all the mistakes they’ve made, and tried to blame me for and tell me that they gave me freebies out of the kindness of their hearts. The freebies were because of mistakes they made.

I will tell you that I went through one whole apt. with them thinking that I was someone else. When I told the dentist that today, he basically “pft” stuff happens.

Anyway forgive me for venting and for any mistakes. I took some ativan because I’m so not okay right now. I’m very triggered.  Me taking ativan during the day is saying a lot. I never use it for anything other than the odd night that I can’t sleep.

I gotta go back and read what I just typed…

Okay now that I know what I just typed, I will tell you that Hubby is coming to pick me up and take me there. I’m not going alone for two reasons one, I’m not in good shape and two, I need a witness to any further conversations with them.

As it stands right now, I have an apt. with a new dentist on Wed.

I’ll let you all know how it goes if you care too.

There is hope.

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Art attack…

I thought I would share some of my more recent art pieces with you. I’ve posted a couple of them before, but it doesn’t hurt to share them again. There’s one that’s brand new I just finished late last week.

If anyone’s interested in them, you can contact me via email. My email address is on my “About” page.

And now the art…

Art/Painting/Abstrat

“Double Trouble”

Art/Painting/Abstract

“Double Trouble”

“Double trouble has been up before.

Art/Painting/Abstract

“Colourful Change”

Art/Painting/Abstract

“Colourful Change”

“Colourful Change” has also been up before.

Art/Painting/Abstract

“Fighting Colour”

Art/Painting/Abstract

“Fighting Colour”

Art/Painting/Abstract

“Fighting Colour”

“Fighting Colour” is the brand new one. No one has seen this one before.  I decided to paint my way through a rough day. The above is what came of it. It didn’t turn out anywhere near close to what I’d envisioned, but do they ever?!

What do you do to get yourself through a bad day?

There is hope!

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Not a father a sperm donor

Father’s Day reminds me that I don’t have a father who is in my life. It reminds me that I have a sperm donor who is a narcissistic sociopath. I have a sperm donor, who has only ever thought of himself and his own needs.  He’s done nothing but rip me down. When I was down, then he’d trample me mercilessly with a smile on his face and rage seething through that smile.

He’s never once taken a look at himself. He blames me for the family break, he’s brainwashed the rest of the family into believing the same. He’s a liar, a cheater, an abuser, and a deceiver.

So you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t say much about these stupid Hallmark celebrations. I don’t have a father, I have a sperm donor. It takes a hell of a lot more than making a baby to be father. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh today, but it’s my truth and reality. I’m sure sadly many share this with me.

Father’s day also brings with it deep heartache for my Hubby. We were unable to have children. Hubby dreamt of being a father. My heart aches for him on this day, although I know he’ll put on a smile and call his father and go on with the day as if it’s nothing to him, he hurts and I know it.

Quite frankly, if I did have a good father I wouldn’t need a Hallmark day to tell him how I feel. It would be easy to tell him any day.  Father’s day reminds me of the longing in my heart to have a dad that I could go to when I need him. To share the big events in my life both happy and sad, but I don’t. That never stops hurting, although I deal with it.

Despite all the above, I do think of him and wish that he knew that. He never will. He’s to busy blaming me for all that’s wrong.

To all of you who have good fathers, are good father’s or both, I wish you a very Happy Father’s Day. You have a precious gift. I hope you enjoy your day with each other.

To all of you who don’t, please know that my heart goes out to you, you’re not alone.

There is hope.

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