Day three of the candida diet in progress here. I’ve not cheated at all. I’m weak and I was nauseous this morning, so much so that I had to lie down on the floor again. I think I needed food but to make it, I had to get up and I couldn’t right away. I’m not sure how many calories I should be taking in each day, but I’m pretty sure I’m not getting enough. I’ll have to figure that out.
I mentioned in this post HERE that I’m finding there’s some grieving involved with giving up sugar. I had made one connection to it but was I surprised in therapy yesterday, when I discovered just how deep it went.
The mother used to buy and hide ju jubes (Gum drops). I would swipe said hidden candy, she knew and found it funny. It became a “thing.” She bought more as I ate more. That was one of the very few positive things between the mother and I. Ju jubes became a big time addiction.
That’s deep in and of itself but, this is what I discovered in therapy yesterday. The father controlled everything period. That meant the mother was not allowed to have ju jubes (Hence her hiding them). When the father was home, we all (Including the mother) lived in fear, terror even. When the father was gone, there was relief and there was ju jubes, there was freedom to eat what we wanted without him knowing,
Do you see what I’m getting at here?
Food became not only relief, but a sense of safety, comfort and maybe even a little freedom from control (Or taking back some control). Candy and junk in particular. Letting go of sugar feels to me, like giving up my freedom, safety,comfort and for extra giggles, a sense of calm.
Letting go of this on its own isn’t painful, it’s what’s attached to it that hurts.
This discovery, made me want break the addiction even more. I’d rather deal with the abuse and heal from it, than try to eat it away.
What life changing epiphany’s have you experienced?
There is hope.