A story of abuse

I want to welcome A. Reed another survivor speaking out about her story of abuse. She is courageously sharing in order to help others. Thank you so much A. for sharing your story.  She has a blog at :

http://onesahmscrazylife.wordpress.com 

I was verbally abused by my mother. She said horrible and mean things to be. She told me that I should have been a blow job, she wished she had of aborted me when she considered it. She told me I was ugly, worthless and God was going to destroy me(She was and still is a Jehovah’s Witness).

I was molested by her brother(My Uncle) and she still doesn’t believe me. My father, however does, and I pray that man finds a jail cell before my father finds him.

My brother molested me, and he’s rotting in jail because he raped another girl. It’s a very sick and twisted story that I don’t want to go into. I don’t hate him for what he did to me, but I do hate him for what he did to our father. My dad stood up for him, and ended up writing him a four page letter describing the act in detail.

My father was the one who put my brother in prison. He never knew of my story,and I’m glad I never told him
because if I had, my brother would be dead, and my father in prison.

My mother was abused as a child, and I can tell because she was diagnosed with Dementia. She does things now, that make me wonder if she was in her beginning stages when I was a teen, and, were those awful things said to her when she was my age. I forgive her because she is my mother, and if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have my babies. How could I hold hate in my heart for someone who brought me into this world? Even better, who gave me the ability to have my beautiful daughters?

The few times my father caught her saying these things to me, he put a stop to it. A lot of it however went unknown.I never told him even close to the whole story, and I never will. He’s losing my mother, and that hurts enough. To hear his wife did those mean horrible things to his daughter, would probably kill him from the stress. He already has health issues, I’m not going to give him anymore.

I was raped by someone I thought was a friend on July 18th, 2009. It almost destroyed my relationship with my husband now. My husband however, knows me like the back of his hand, has always known me that well. He knew I wasn’t lying. My rapist actually tried to make contact with me in October of that year. I’ve never saw my husband angrier.It was frightening. He held no anger towards me, but the calm rage he had towards that man, coming from another man usually quiet and humble. His words.. well.. I won’t say.  Just to put it kindly, his ability to have children would be gone if my husband had his way.

I for a long time battled depression. I cut, burned, and damn near didn’t survive a suicide attempt. My husband caught me and saved my life. He said my arm belonged to him now, and I couldn’t do that. My sarcastic response was, “Your  name’s not on it!” Well, now it is. I always said I would never tattoo a man’s name on my arm, but he’s the father of my children and he saved my life. Whether we make it forever or not(knock on wood), I’ll love him forever and always for that. But if we’ve made it through all this, then we can and will make it through anything.
My father, My husband and most of all my children are my drive to survive, and push forward. I have beaten depression and I’m now a happy-go-lucky person. My daughters need a strong and happy mommy, not a depressed darkened one. To all of you going through hell, I know where you are and, I also know it will be okay. You are strong. You are amazing and you will survive.

There is hope!

 
 
 

30 Comments

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30 responses to “A story of abuse

  1. My Muted Voice

    Thank you for sharing your story! It’s good to hear that despite the horrific things you endured, you have ultimately found happiness in your own life with your husband and children. Wishing you the best.

  2. I’m glad you made it through all this and have thrived. That’s a whole lot of trauma to endure.

    • Thank you. I appreciate your centiments, and you know it might be but I also know of people going through a whole lot more and a lot worse. I extend my prayers to them and I hope that with this I can help someone.

  3. You are a survivor and strong. Your daughters will be strong too because you (and your husband) are there for them. Thank you for sharing your story with us. ((hugs))

  4. Thank you for sharing, I’m sorry you went through all this. It inspires me, that you describe , yourself as ‘getting through’, I’m glad you had people on your side , you would be an amazing mother and role model to your daughters. Sending compassion, kindness to an amazing survivor…lol
    Gentle safe hugs Ziggy

  5. Thanks for sharing. That is very brave of you and your story is inspiring.

  6. Once again I am reminded why I so often do not like human beings… and I am considering going back to my own planet. I am glad you two found each other, and I hope this helps some people. Now I am going into the desert to cry and meditate.

  7. I’m so glad that you have overcome and that you can write again on your 50th anniversary… Diane

  8. thanks for sharing your story. sorry that you had to go through this. Remember this……Your mom was wrong as God loves U….

  9. Thank you so much for posting, I’m so so sorry for what you went through but glad that you’ve found hope. :)

  10. It always make me sad that those of us who have been abused internalize the pain so much.

    • I internalized it for the good of others. I’m okay with that burden. Why? Because you do things for those you love, even if it hurts you a little more. I’ve always been programmed that way, since I was little. If my friend was going to fall, I pushed her towards the grass and took the hit. I ended up busting my face that way once.

      As for my mother, this is going to sound weird but like I said above I will always love her. She’s my mom, she almost died getting me into this world. She could have chose to have an abortion but she didn’t. Even though she said all those mean and awful things, I can forgive them. Why, because everyone says mean awful things to people they care about. Some, is in the heart of anger, some is because that’s what was said to them, some is because they are lost and confused. Whatever the reason, if I did it, I would want to be forgiven. Even if she doesn’t want to be forgiven, I forgive her anyway because she gave me my girls in a way. My girls are worth anything and everything in this world :)

  11. Such great strength. Thank you for writing this.

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