Yesterday was not a fun day to say the least. I was once again contacted by my narcissistic sister. A little background for those that don’t know. She abused me once to many times and, I had to make the painful choice to remove her from my life. Just because someone is blood, doesn’t mean we have to allow their abuse in our lives.
Back in November the sister decided to ignore my choice and text me to wish me a Happy Birthday. I agonized over whether to respond or not. I chose to simply say. “Thanks.” And that’s it. It’s turned out to be a big mistake. You see with narcissists, they do not respect boundaries. You give an inch, they take miles. The need to control coursing through their veins, and when it’s taken away, they will do whatever it takes to get it back. They’ll stoop to levels you can’t imagine unless you’ve been there.
At Christmas, the sister once again texted me to wish me a Merry Christmas. I agonized again over what to do. I chose to say it back. And that’s it. She then texted to say that she hoped I had a good holiday. I ignored the second text because now she’s pushing. All the while she’s building her case against me. She is preparing her attack. You can probably see how she could make it all my fault.
Narcissists will steam roll over everything and everyone to get what they want. They don’t care who they hurt in their wake. They will even use their children as pawns. If someone is no longer of use to them, they will dump that person like a hot potato. I’ve watched the sister do it, and I’ve watched the father do it.
That’s where I am with the sister now. She once again texted me yesterday, this time to tell me that the kids (my nephews) have a snow day and can I Skype with them. Again, I agonized over what to do. How do I say “no” to talking to my nephews? I adore them. She had me over a barrel and she knew it. If I said no, she would make sure the kids knew that their aunt didn’t want to talk to them.
They make everyone else the bad guy.
So…I scheduled a time and I Skyped with my nephew. The weird thing is that one of the nephews didn’t even show up for the chat. He hasn’t talked to, or seen his Aunt in a long time and a chat is scheduled and he’s outside playing in -35 degree weather? Do you find that weird or is it just me?
The sister, stayed out of the Skype call we didn’t see or talk to each other but…
I knew full well she would be listening to the entire conversation. You know control, the need to know and monitor, and build her case further? So knowing she would be eavesdropping, I planted a couple of tidbits of information. In other words I shared some info with my nephew. (Obviously nothing major and kid safe)
After the Skype chat, it wasn’t long before I got a text from the sister thanking me for talking with my nephew. Then she proceeded to ask me about the very information I planted.
Can you say BUSTED?! She so was listening in.
I ignored her question because it was none of her business, and I was not going to allow any further conversation. A little while later, she texted again and said, “Sorry for asking forget the question.” Either she realized her mistake, or she was trying to make me feel bad.
Feel horrible I did. (She does not know that)
I sobbed after. I hate that it’s this way. I hate that they see me as the cause of all this. I hate that my nephews will believe that I’m at fault. It hurts like hell. I wonder if the nephew that didn’t show up is already hurt or hurting over this.
From here on out, I will no longer be having any contact with the sister. I can’t and that makes me sad, but I have to look out for myself, my heart and sanity.
My nephew now has a Skype address he can contact me at when he wants to, and I told him he’s welcome too. He does not need his mother to help him Skype with me. I’m guessing it will happen rarely if at all.
I wonder if the sister’s next attempt at contact will be her attack on me. If it is, she will be sorry that she ever went after me but, so will I.
She would have to deal with my husband not me. They haven’t talked since the last time Hubby had to stop her attacks on me over 2 years ago.
As much as it hurts, I have to stand my ground here.
There is hope!