Taking out the trash

I would like to welcome back TACDGN, she has more of her story to tell, and I want to thank her for choosing this platform to do so.  You have such courage TACDGN

When most people think about taking out the trash they think about gathering up their garbage, putting it into the garbage can and setting the can out for the trash man to come collect it.  Usually trash day is one day each week.  When I was a kid trash day was on Tuesday morning.  So early that morning my father would gather up the trash and take it out to the garbage can.  Before he put the lid on the garbage can the last thing he would put in the can sometimes was me.

I remember one time being in there with the stinky garbage and I could hear the garbage truck backing up.  I wiggled and wiggled until the trash can fell over and I got out.  I was around 4 years old that day.  Was it the only time it happened well no, as it happened several times after that.  I always wondered why dad did that.  It had a real profound effect on me.  When I did not feel good emotionally I felt like “garbage”.

I had times in my life as an adult that I would have a real bad reaction to walking past a garbage can.  I do know that now in my life a lot of personal garbage has been taken to the garbage can and left for the trash man.

When I was a young adult I had a drinking problem.  I know now I drank to cover up the pain of my rotten childhood.  One day God tapped me on the shoulder and said “I have a better way”  I found Jesus and that was my better way.

Many years later I became friends with Ben & Jerry’s.  That caused me to gain almost 65 lbs.  On this 5 ft 4 inch frame that was a lot of weight.  I was comforting myself with food to cover up the pain of a rotten marriage.  The more I ate the fatter I became and the unhappier I was.   I was miserable.  I got to a place where I could not take it any more so I asked God to help me.  He did by teaching me how to eat a clean diet no processed foods and to find a love for working out.  By doing this I lost the weight and then some.  I went from almost 200 lbs. to 115 lbs.

I knew that I was not done  taking out my personal trash as I had more to walk to the garbage can.  So the next thing I took was my bad marriage.  I ended it with a willing hubby as he wanted out too.  I knew this was the right thing  to do and God helped make it easy.  I do know that I am not done taking out my personal trash.  With being an abuse survivor I still have more work to be done.  It’s just one step to the garbage at a time.

There is hope!

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16 responses to “Taking out the trash

  1. Purging all that old trash is good therapy. How deeply unhappy your dad must have been. I am so sad that he only made things worse by treating his daughter like that. You couldn’t save him, only he could do that. I’m so happy you are saving you instead! Blessings, Brenda

  2. Doesn’t it feel great to get it done and over with? You feel so much lighter and things are easier!!! Once it’s over baby doll you’ll feel like a million bucks. it’s the best feeling in the world! I still have my moments some days where I have a thought or a flashback, but now I know the difference and I know it’s not my fault and I’m not the bad person here! I’m very happy you’re getting there!

  3. You have made some real good steps already! :)

  4. Thank you for sharing. Thoughts are with you, sending comfort, positive vibes…lol

  5. Thank you each and everyone who posted comments about my blog. Your words mean so much as I am so grateful. Blogging is also a healing method and this has been helping too even tho I still react to some blogs I write.

  6. What courage you have!! It’s sort of like peeling an onion, one layer at a time…each layer may make you weep, some layers are tougher than others…but you are shedding one at a time and what a beautiful flower you are discovering,…like a lotus. Blessings and huge hugs, Oliana

  7. I still find it hard to let go of garbage sometimes. The word I chose to use for it is “toxic security blanket”– I mean the means where I cope, but I know it’s not good for me.

  8. aqilaqamar

    Reblogged this on Iconography ♠ Incomplete and commented:
    It takes guts to confess to an abuse like this

  9. Pingback: Just Pondering Part 606 | Renard Moreau Presents

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