A couple of days ago, I blogged about the narcissistic sister shoving herself back into my life. If you missed that post, you can find it here Towards the end of the post, I left off with the wonder if my sister’s next text would be one of attack.
It was. I’m so on to narcissistic crap! It was a very subtle attack, and under different circumstances one may not even see it as such but…
I knew this was. I also knew they would only get worse and less subtle over time. She wasn’t wasting much time in getting past her fake “charm” to her attacks.
Her comment was this, “I’m sorry I asked that last question, I hope this doesn’t mean that you’re going to avoid the boys and I now.”
(If you haven’t read the above post, her comment will make sense if you do.)
Do you see what she did there? I told you she was building a case. She thinks that because I ignored her last comment (Given she was eavesdropping and it was none of her business) I’m now going to avoid her.
In one way, she couldn’t be more wrong, in another she’s right.
She’s right that I’m not going to have any further contact with her period. She’s wrong in thinking that I’m going to avoid the boys. She’s also wrong, and lying to herself if she thinks that one nosey question is why I will no longer have contact with her. Narcissists never see things as their fault. In her mind I’m being petty and, because of one little thing, I’m avoiding her.
The truth is, she’s abusive, and I will not allow her abuse in my life period. That’s my reason for no further contact. I will however still Skype with my nephews until such a time as she sabotages that too. Make no mistake, she will. They go for the jugular and without a blink of an eye. In the meantime, I will enjoy what time I have left with my nephews. I’m sad that they’re affected and their mother can’t see it, or her part in it. I’m sad that they’re used to hurt me, and as a result they get hurt.
It warrants saying again, narcissists don’t care who they hurt to get what they want, even their own children. They will use their children as pawns. How very sad and abusive is that?!
Here’s my update. Thanks to some good advice (TD), I chose to change my cell phone number so that the sister can no longer contact me. It was a hard decision to make, but I was beginning to stress about every text message I got. That’s not good. The only way to stop a narcissist is to not engage at all. As much as part of me wanted to fight, I knew that it would get me nowhere but more hurt.
Narcissists hate the silence, they need control.
I took the “higher road” out. I cut off all contact, to take care of me.
I left a Skype IM for my nephew so he knows he can still contact me.
I’m now going to pick up the pieces and move on.
I want to thank everyone who has shown me support through this. I felt so loved and cared for. It was a wonderful gift in the midst of the “yuck.” I don’t know that I would have had the strength to make the right choices if it weren’t for all of you. You made it okay, when my brainwashing screams otherwise.
Have you dealt with a narcissist? What’s your story? The more we talk about it, the less it can be covered up.
There is hope!