Did any of you that have been raised by a narcissist find that you were worked really hard as a kid? I know it’s kind of an off the wall question, but I’ve thought back to my childhood lately and realized that aside from the abuse, what I remember most is how much hard work I was forced to do as a child.
By hard work, I don’t mean cleaning. There was lots of that as the father is a perfectionist, but what I mean is manual labour. I remember shovelling heavy gravel, and big dirt piles, stacking many cords of wood, painting the fence and deck, mowing the lawn, shovelling snow, picking up hedge trimmings, washing /waxing/ polishing the car and major gardening (The fathers obsession).And the list goes on…
I know some amount of work/chores are normal for a kid, but when I think back it seems to me that there was an awful lot that may not have been so normal. There was also the wrath we’d face if said work didn’t get done. I know that’s not normal.
I remember watching all the other kids on the street play while I was forced to work hard. I longed to just play, even though play often turned into being molested by that boy on my street. I just wanted to play. I guess I wanted to be a kid and do kid things.
I can’t say that I even know what work or amount of work is age appropriate for a kid of any age. I don’t have kids, but If I did I can’t see me ever working them as hard as I was worked.
The work we did wasn’t ever enough or good enough either. That’s par for the course with a narcissist. They’re never happy with anything. They take everything out on those around them because they see themselves as “better than” everything and everyone. Boy are they deceived!
They’re master manipulators and liars. I think they even believe their own lies. They love to make everything that’s wrong with the world everyone else’s fault, they will never take the blame or responsibility for their horrible behaviour. They seem to enjoy shaming and causing those close to them pain. It’s creepy. They twist everything we say.
And oh the 5 hour lectures at least three times a week on everything that was wrong with me.
They get angry easily and those around them are always walking on eggshells. One never knows when the mood will switch or why. What we do know, is that it will most certainly be our faults and something that we did to cause their issue.
They “charm” the outside world, so most don’t see the abuse going on. Speaking of not seeing…Why is it that our “justice” systems don’t recognize this kind of abuse?! Why is that if kids don’t have bruises on them or show signs of sexual abuse, that it’s assumed that there’s no abuse going on?!
I can’t believe our systems aren’t more aware of narcissism, that it’s abusive and does an incredible amount of damage to kids. I wish our systems were more advanced and would listen to those who are victims, instead of catering to the criminals all the time. Ugh, it ticks me off..
Well how did I get there?! This post took a couple of turns I didn’t expect, but there you have it. The above is what I grew up with and that’s not the half of living with a narcissistic sociopath.
I’d love to hear from you on your experiences. The more we talk the less this crap can hide in the shadows.
There is hope!