I think I’d like to officially declare the statement “You Should” as swearing. I lived under those words growing up, and really it’s a nasty statement.
While we’re at it, I think “Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.” is one of the biggest lies ever!
Who has the right to tell anyone that they should or shouldn’t do something? Worse yet that they should look more like someone else , or they should act more like another, dress or be more like anyone but you. In my family I was made to feel and believe that anyone was better than me and who I was. That left me not knowing who I really was until I hit my 40′s, and now I’m slowly finding out. (Yes I’m in my 40′s shhh!)
Maybe there’s a place for the “You Should’s” I don’t know, but I don’t like them and I really try to make sure I don’t use them although I’m not always successful at it. They can really pack a punch and hurt someone. They as well as words in general can beat a person up terribly. Word beating hurts just as much as physical beatings and the wounds don’t heal.
I was compared to everyone and everything growing up in my family, and because of that, I now am comparing myself constantly. It’s not as easy as just stopping, it’s all that I know. It’s so ingrained, that I’m not even aware of it going on most of the time. I’m pretty sure it’s connected strongly to self loathing. I was taught to self loath. I’m sure many of you sadly know how that feels and how hard it is to break that mindset. If you do, I truly feel for you. If you don’t it’s a gift. don’t let anyone take it away!
When I’m aware of it, I try to stop that thinking process but it’s so hard to be aware. Even if I stop myself and counter those thoughts with healthier ones, I’m unable to believe the healthier ones. I never learned how period.
The father has done a number on me. Well really the family at the father’s lead. There have been many others as well but, had the family taught me to value myself, then the many other’s might have been easier not to believe.
Have you ever thought of those words? What ones have you heard that make you feel beat up?
Awareness is everything.
There is hope!